How to tell if your teenage son is gay

Adolescence is the dawn of sexual attraction. It happens due to the hormonal changes of puberty. These changes involve both the body and the mind — so just thinking about someone attractive can cause physical arousal.

These new feelings can be intense, confusing, sometimes even overwhelming. Teens are beginning to unearth what it means to be attracted romantically and physically to others. And recognizing one's sexual orientation is part of that process.

What Is Sexual Orientation?

The term sexual orientation refers to the gender (that is, male or female) to which a person is attracted. There are several types of sexual orientation that are commonly described:

• Heterosexual (straight). People who are heterosexual are romantically and physically attracted to members of the opposite sex: males are attracted to females, and females are attracted to males. Heterosexuals are often called "straight."
• Homosexual (gay or lesbian). People who are homosexual are romantically and physically attracted to people of the same sex: females are attracted to other fema

  Help! My Son is Gay

  by Ricky Chelette, Executive Director

  “So should I push my son towards women now?”  That’s a question I often get from fathers of young men who are struggling with same gender attractions. Dads are often devastated by the discovery of their son’s homosexuality.  But the answer to their son’s struggle is not to push him into the arms of a woman.  In noun, such a move could actually do more damage than good.
  But what should a dad do for his son? In a word:  connect!  I achieve when saying that many dads might think, “I am connected to my son. He’s my son. I’ve been around him since birth. We are fine.”  But the fact is that simply being present doesn’t signify you have any kind of emotional, intimate, connection with your son. He is a sensitive guy who needs to be spoken to in a language he can hear and grasp. Proclamations of facts do minute to move his heart. He wants words dripping with adj emotion and heart-felt passion. He wants to know you, intimately, and feel the weight of your passion for him.  In many ways, he wants you to look him straight in hi
  
  

  Book Excerpt: Is Your Child Gay?

  Excerpted fromWhy Is the Penis Shaped Like That? … And Other Reflections on Being Human, by Jesse Bering, by arrangement with Scientific American/Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC (North America), Transworld Ltd (UK), Jorge Zahara Editora Ltda (Brazil). Copyright © by Jesse Bering.

  We all know the stereotypes: an unusually light, delicate, effeminate air in a little boy's step, an interest in dolls, makeup, princesses and dresses, and a strong distaste for tough play with other boys. In little girls, there is the outwardly boyish stance, perhaps a penchant for tools, a square-jawed readiness for physical tussles with boys, and an aversion to all the perfumed, delicate trappings of femininity.

  These behavioral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbingers of adult homosexuality. It is only relatively recently, however, that developmental scientists have conducted controlled studies to identify the earliest and most reliable signs of individual homosexuality. In looking carefully at the childhoods of gay adults,

  As I relayed in When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterling, ), I found out that my son was gay from a note with our son's identify entwined with another boy's, surrounded by a heart. I accidentally found that note in his room when I was cleaning.

  I never questioned him about the heart I found on the sly. How would I own brought it up? Suppose I was wrong? After all, he had a crush on a girl in his class.

  I had suspected at times that he was gay. He only had girls to his thirteenth birthday party. He preferred gentler sports. He was always concerned about how he looked and followed fashion. Were these stereotypical thoughts from a straight mother? You bet, but it was ingrained through the culture's binary system and ideas about how males were "supposed to" behave.

  As it turns out, our son didn't come out until he was 17, was on his own, and brought a boyfriend to visit. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have defensively said "No!" He had to verb it out and work through his denial. I'm glad I muzzled myself.

  Susan Berland, the mother o